I’ve been noodling about what to say about holiday beloofs. I think I’ve been avoiding saying anything because many of us share the beloof that we must be “happy” or “joyous” during the holidays. but I’ve learned it isn’t so for many people – so here I go…
“Happy Holidays”, “Season’s Greetings”, “Happy Hannukah”, “Best Wishes”, “Peace on Earth”, “Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year”, etc, etc. Whew…
If we really said what is in our authentic hearts and heads, would the words be these standard greetings and trite sayings we mumble to each other as we pass on the street, in the mall, or in the workplace? Or perhaps might we share the truth about how we are feeling about what’s going on in our lives.
Of course for many of us the holiday season conjures memories of “Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la la la la la”. But for others, the season may trigger memories of drunken brawls, molestation, abandonment, or death. Is one of our beloofs “If I feel and express my real feelings during the holidays I will be seen as a Grinch?” Or, “If I don’t buy everyone the right gift they will think I don’t really care about them.” Or perhaps, “I don’t want ‘ruin’ the holidays for those around me?” Or maybe, “Let’s forget about it, just get drunk and watch football.”
Do we spend the holidays surrounded by others, or perhaps isolated and alone? Are we estranged from our families, or perhaps going through an ugly breakup of a relationship? Are we out of work and short on money? Do we hide shame and self-loathing behind overspending, competition, and addiction?
How did these beloofs develop in the first place? Bequeathed from our family system? Passed on from generations of ancestry? Years of dogma and training from our religious indoctrination? Fear of being an outlier?
Do we really want to hang on to beloofs that don’t work anymore?
Here are some new mantras to consider repeating to yourself throughout the holiday season:
“I free myself from any and all shame and self-loathing I hold about myself and my situation”
“My life is evolving just as it should”
“I seek out and find people and communities that love me
“I take the risk of expressing my authentic self”
May we all teach peace and well-being throughout the entire New Year!