This tragic beloof shows it origins in the bible and has been handed down historically from generation to generation. We are continuing to struggle with it even today. It seems as if racism, bigotry, and hate are as strong as ever across the globe.
If we accept the definition of the beloof as “a mistaken personal belief, usually about oneself, that was created during a time of trauma resulting in self-limiting behavior,” might it be that hating others is an unconscious projection of self-hate? If the only way I can validate my own beliefs is by being intolerant of those who do not believe as I do, wouldn’t the same apply to my beloofs? Could intolerance and hate of others actually have its roots in the unconscious intolerance and hate I have for myself?
I don’t think it’s quite that simple; I believe there is one additional ingredient in the soup of intolerance – fear. If we are mired in narcissistic self-loathing it puts us in a state of worry and fear that triggers the fight or flight response. If an entire group of people are mired in narcissistic self-loathing and fear, that group operates out of the fight or flight response and operates from a place of intolerace. I believe nacessistic self-loathing and fear has resulted in the beloofs of intolerace that have spawned most of humankind’s violence towards each other; whites towards blacks, men towards women, christians and muslims, nazis and jews, etc., etc., etc.
And so has it ever worked to wage war against the intolerant? Does it make any sense whatsoever to become intolerant of the intolerant. Instead, might we all simply learn to drop our intolerant beloofs against ourselves and teach others to be tolerant and loving towards themselves? You will say, “but those who are intolerant of me wish to kill or harm me – what am I to do then.”
I believe our only option is to ask our own intolerance to stand down and to always teach peace, no matter what the cost. I am prepared to sacrafice my life for the cause of peace.
Try this mantra:
May we all teach peace
May we all teach peace
May we all teach peace
Perhaps if enough of us repeat it enough, it will be enough to spread peace and tolerance throughout our planet and universe.
May you have blessings of gratitude and love throughout this wonderful holiday season.
This is one of the most common, complex, and destructive beloofs we can hold. It silently lies waiting in our subconscious mind until we are feeling especially vulnerable and insecure. This beloof implies that if someone “really” loved me, it must be demonstrated by a particular behavior or action. Most times it pops into our conscious thinking as a stem sentence we may apply to a variety of situations. Here are some examples you might have heard yourself or others say:
If you really loved me:
You would know what I need without my telling you
You would tell me you love me more often
You wouldn’t be angry at me
You would bring me more gifts
You wouldn’t need other friends in your life
You would automatically know when I need a hug/sex
etc., etc., etc.
The origins of the “If you really loved me…” beloof usually date back to a serious and early injury to the heart. The injury most often is emotional, although sometimes an actual physical injury can trigger this beloof. We may experience such an injury to the heart when we leave the womb and experience our first physical separation from our mother. Our vulnerable heart may be injured when our parents divorce and our immature mind believes our very existence caused the split. Perhaps it developed during periods of physical or emotional abuse by a parent or sibling.
The beloof “If you really loved me…” reflects a deep split in our relationship with ourselves. Early trauma has brought us to a place of self-doubt that we believe can only be soothed by a “loving” act or behavior by someone we have defined as our love object. We have lost our ability to feel natural love in our heart for ourselves and others and have come to interpret someone else’s behavior or actions that represent their love for us. Since we have lost the feeling of love in our heart for ourselves, we have lost the feeling of love in our heart for others. We want their actions and behavior to fill our hearts with feelings of love for ourselves, and there is never enough. When it doesn’t work, we may become resentful or depressed.
Perhaps my spouse forgot to buy me an anniversary or birthday card on our special day…yuk! Maybe my parent comes to my house for a holiday dinner and criticizes my cooking…zing! Maybe my child refuses to clean their room, and calls me a name…ow! Perhaps a friend goes out with another friend and doesn’t invite me along…snap! We experience the same pain in our heart as we felt during the original trauma. Many times it is sharp and painful; other times dull and lonely. We feel abandoned and dejected and all that pain is a result of a single beloof…”If you really loved me…”
The cure? Release the beloof and the pain is released with it. Accept that the beloof is a result of an injury to our heart and requires healing before we can love ourselves and others. Go back through your history and identify events and situations when you experienced an injury to your heart. A Heart Centered Hypnotherapist can help with this if you get stuck. When you have identified those events, imagine yourself as that child, and hold that child’s heart in pure unconditional love. Put your adult hands over your physical heart and send healing energy into the child’s heart. You can start every day and end every day putting your hands over your inner child’s heart while you repeat these mantras;
“I am a beautiful child of God and I am loved unconditionally.” “I am lovable and perfect just the way I am.” “I heal any and all injuries to my heart and fill it with deep love for myself and others.”
Please leave a comment on your own experience of “If you really loved me…”
Garth and Wayne probably spoofed the “we’re not worthy” beloof better than anyone. But for most of us, it can represent a core beloof that remains intransigent and chronic, and perhaps the most painful beloof we carry.
For me personally, the birth of my “I’m not worthy” beloof came about when my mother and I were given heavy sedation drugs throughout the late stages of labor and delivery. Both of us went into a “twilight” state of consciousness and I was pulled out of the womb with hands and forceps. I was weak and unable to participate in my own birth; not “worthy” of a natural life.
This beloof comes in many forms: for many of us it arrives as “I’m worthless”, or “I’m unable.” Sometimes as violent as “I am garbage”, or “I’m a loser,”or worse. It can pervade our conscious thinking, or reside subtly in our subconscious mind. Take a moment to breathe in deeply and sense whether this beloof operates in your belief system about yourself. Breath in a little deeper and close your eyes for a moment to discover the source of this self-destructive beloof; perhaps in the womb from your mother, or after your birth when you were harshly disciplined. Maybe in school when you didn’t understand an assignment, or when you were abused by a family member or neighborhood bully.
This is a core beloof that must be discovered and transformed. It serves no one else and certainly does not serve you. The only way to release it, is to develop a deep understanding that it is an acquired beloof and not reality. Remember the definition of beloof:
beloof: A mistaken personal belief, usually about oneself, that was created during a time of trauma, resulting in self-limiting behavior.
Define the source of the beloof, remind yourself that it is “mistaken”, and form a new belief that serves you better. Here are some suggestions:
I am worthy and worthwhile.
God does not make junk
I am a precious child of God
I am innocent
I am part of the divine
Repeat these affirmations many times throughout your day. Say them as soon as you wake up, and as you fall asleep at night. You are a precious child of God.
Please take a moment to comment on your own experience.
I’m excited to launch my new blog, Beloof.com. Take a moment to read the About page to understand what a beloof is about how the beloof came to be. But before you do anything else, please enter your email address into the Subscribe block on the right side of the blog, or you can register for the site by clicking on the register link on the left side.
Each week I will publish a post about a commonly held beloof with the intent of starting a dialogue about the beloof and how it has effected us. I invite both lay people and Heart Centered colleagues to enter the discussion about the origins of the beloof and how to reframe it to serve us better. Let’s have some fun with our beloofs and how to deal with them.
Also, each week I will offer a prize for the best post – but you’ll have to register to participate.